WAL-MART FUN!!!

WAL-MART FUN!!!Wal-Mart is not one of my favorite places and even less of my favorites when I have to take my kids....it started back in those lovely early years of marriage and early toddler hood for my kidsand many deployments taking Duane to another country......I can remember putting it off until we where eating dried cereal, drinking powdered milk and using dishtowels for diapers....well okay then...I guess I need to go!!! So I start the process of getting three under of the age of three ready for our nightmare...oh I mean lovely shopping trip..... let the games begin!!!!

I start by getting each one dressed.....shirt, pants, socks, shoes....okay....do they teach them at birth how position their feet so Mom cannot get shoes on them??? VERY WELL then barefoot we go!!!!!
Then because we lived in an upstairs apartment I would start the process of bringing them down one at a time and safely securing them into their car seats....always a pleasure when all three are screaming there heads off and I was sure I was Going to be deaf by 38..... (by the way...that didn't happen.....too bad cause that would have been very useful in the mornings during sibling breakfast fights!!!...what??? she called you a what?? I'm sorry...you made me deaf when you where 18 months old...I CAN"T HEAR YOU!!! HA!)

So I would have all three in the car and off to Wally World we go....with a faint smell of dead something in the car....oh Wait...THERE is that darn sipppy cup!!!

We arrive at Wal-Mart and I park as close to empty cart as I can...load all three in...baby in front, two toddlers in the back who consequently still love each other with out a clue of the problem sitting so close together will cause when they are 9 and 10.....LUCKY ME!!!!

We enter the store and I grab another cart to pull and push the cart filled with my precious cargo and right now things pretty quiet ...... we stop off at the bakery first for free cookies...always a winner to get me through produce.....

I start filling my other basket as my baby...yes,,,begins to fill her diaper.....I am getting rude looks now...I mean come one people....don't you think it could be a rotten banana perhaps...no chance...it's GABBIE!!! Off to the bathroom we go.... now I get experience the fun of changing a baby with two lose toddlers...no we don't flush our sister down the toilet and OH MY...NOT MOMMY'S KEEEEEEYS!!!! ......my life is GOOD!
We get the diaper changed and I expose of it wrapped in a wal-mart bag...yes...we recycle...see...I do care about the earth...and the noses of the patrons of the Wal-Mart bathroom!!


We are off again to fill our cart....we are doing pretty good, get through the frozen isle, meats, canned foods as we come to the Cookie isle screams are erupting everywhere from my cart...it seems Christopher in hungry and taken to chewing on his sisters ear...how convenient he does this in the cookie isle..I grab a bad of vanilla wafers and toss one at each child...now Duane hated when I did this...until I explained that this was not stealing I had every intention of paying for them and that I truly believed this was a courtesy of Wal-Mart to provide for Mothers to keep their little shopper companions happy and to keep peace in the store...beside honey...if you want to do the shopping with the kids...you are more than welcome...he never said another word about it.

As the kids are munching I finish up in the baby isle...after spending a weeks salary on diapers, baby wipes and baby food am good to go....

We round over to the cashiers...I avoid walking down the women's section where they have cute Jammie's and bras and panties made for woman who are made like me before I had 4 kids...oh well.....

We end up at cashier and I can recall one specific time...the kids had enough and no matter how many vanilla wafers I have thrown at them they are all waling at the top of their lungs now...maybe I should have visited the children's NyQuil section??? LOL!!!!! Okay so I wouldn't do that...but Mom's...don't tell you have never thought about it.....LOL!!!!

Anyway...I got a young early 20's man this time and he was not only very nervous by my choir of screaming babies but NEW!!! OH JOY!!!!

He proceeds to check me out with many glances towards my crying masses of lungs and opened mouths as I try to console them and start to dream about a beach where I am alone and the sun is hot and the only crying I can hear are the seagulls...Ma'am??...Ma'aaaaammmmmmm....
darn...back to reality....yes?? Your baby is purple!!!
Alarmed I look quickly over to the baby and realize she is full fit mode......she is breathing...she is just MAD...oh it's okay, I say...she is just not very happy right now...she tends to turn purple when she is mad...isn't that the cutest thing I say...smiling sweetly at him....his look tells me no..indeed that is NOT cute...he continues to check us out and I can feel my blood pressure rising..I start to wonder if I dropped dead right here from stress would they be able to find some one to raise my children while my husband is deployed...probably not...darn...no dying today...so this poor guy finally gets us checked out and I write my check and I think okay we are home free....I was in no way prepared for the next comment he made....he said
"Don't you what causes that??" Gesturing toward my precious but mad and screaming children...I blink for a moment wondering if I had heard him correctly and then say...why yes I do...why do you think I have so many....I am lucky I don't have 50!!! He turns red and hands me my receipt...I am thinking he will think twice before he asks that question again.....
we are off to find the van...something that always takes me at least 15 minutes...this before we had an alarm on the van and now I just hit the panic button and follow the sound of the loudly beeping car as people are dashing away with their ears covered...sorry...but LOOK I FOUND IT!!!!

I once again load each child into their car seats...the baby first..because once I tried to get the others in first Chris pushed Gabbie off the top after he unlocked that little thing that is supposed to hold her in and I dove across the parking lot like a baseball player sliding into home and caught the car seat before it hit the pavement...SAFE!!!!!

We drive home after I have passed out sippy cups and bottles...and I try to calm down on the way home before gearing up to unload three little ones and a whole van full groceries to a second floor apartment...did I tell you how found of the Air Force I was back in those days???

Our trips to Wal-mart now are different but still as stress full.....they consist of....three children trying to walk side by side me while they are all holding onto the cart blocking anyone who is trying to get by.....and alot of Mom...she hit meeeee....Mom...Chris is eating the snow from freezer section again...IT'S MY TURN TO PICK THE CEREAL!!! I GET THE PRIIIIIIZEEEEEEEEE!!! Me saying " please let go of the cart" ..NO...you can't have that..we are getting what is on the list only...well okay I guess...wait didn;'t I say NO!!!!!"
and...Chris...please stop shooting the people walking by...girls don't push each other...WHAT DO MEAN YOU HAVE TO GO TO BATHROOM WE JUST WENT!!! ...I SAID NO!!!!!
This last trip was more fun than usual ending with Chris totally melting down because I would not buy him a High School Musical book...he decided to sit on the floor while crying and try to stretch off his face...okay so that will make me change my mind??? and when on earth did I give birth to such an elastic child...I mean wow really...stretch Armstrong has nothing on him...I manage to calm him down with a promise to take him to library, fight off Emily who has turned into octopus arms reaching for gum...and Gabbie is loading the groceries into the cart...she has been visited by good pod people today :)
Soooo...we do survive and make it out as I once again vow never to bring my children to wal-mart with me again!!!